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Slight of Hand

by The Oven Mitts

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1.
Welcome to our consolation marriage With the baby crying in a baby carriage No happily ever after No nights with hysterical laughter Just me and you and the disappearing weekend I wasn’t your first choice and you weren’t mine You saw other boys and I was doing fine But we made out at that party and shared a single glass of wine Now we drink like fish and stagger to the finish line I can’t cheer you up when you get sad I’ve been working out, but still looking bad And you always embarrass me when we visit Mom and Dad You say I repeat myself, I repeat myself, I repeat myself… it’s driving you mad You’re not going to leave me, are you? Cause I don’t think I’d know what to do We don’t finish each other’s sentences We both binge on different shows But divorces are expensive So on and on it goes Just me and you - you’re my only real friend, yeah it’s me and you, Yeah it’s me and you. It’s me and you until the day it ends
2.
Wendy 03:48
We wake, we don't talk and we go about our separate ways At night we're don't talk then repeat for a thousand days What happened to my bubbly new bride? When I told her I loved her, she sighed There’s a distant look on her face when she’s here with me She says that she’s happy but there’s someplace she’d rather be How long can we live this lie? And when’s she gonna tell me goodbye? Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Tell me, are you gonna leave me behind? Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Help me, you’ve got me in a terrible bind I know I should speak but I don’t know what to say I’m scared that she’ll leave but I can’t face another day When I’m alone, I cry And wonder if she’ll tell me goodbye Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Tell me, are you gonna leave me behind? Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Help me, you’ve got me in a terrible bind She’s not willing to put in the time I get high and go out of my mind Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Tell me, are you gonna leave me behind? Wendy, when you gonna make up your mind? Help me, you’ve got me in a terrible bind
3.
The baby’s crying And the mortgage is due I’ve been thinking What if wishes came true My wife is locked In the bathroom again Crying, crying She still regrets dropping out of school We’ve been saving For a trip to Madrid Since the wedding Since we had our third kid Another summer In our one story hell Then another and another Our boys swim good at the rec center pool You better change your attitude And now’s the time you should start Nobody knows what the future holds It could fold or blow apart What if this is the good part I almost crash When I’m driving these streets My body’s burning Just another dead heat I ask the heavens How to break this curse I’m trying, trying I may be risk-averse, but aren’t we all If I could do Anything that I want I’d probably open A Mexican restaurant I would hire Everyone that I know Like my brother and my mother But the bigger you dream, the harder you fall You better change your attitude And now’s the time you should start Nobody knows what the future holds It could fold or blow apart What if this is the good part Next page, next chapter Whatever’s after could be small We’re all ready to be winners No one’s prepared to lose it all What if this is the good part
4.
I tuned in to Helpful John As his call-in show came on It was a special program for lovers without Was another Valentine's Day With dinner in the ashtray And I figured maybe he could help me out My heartbeat raced when he answered the line I'm 6 foot 2, but feeling smaller I'm a long time listener First time caller There's this front desk girl at work I'm the assistant filing clerk And I love to hear her speak She makes everyone feel at home In person or on the phone She's got something that's just so sweet But I’m too scared to talk to her I dream at night of kissing her I’m a first time caller Long time listener John said listen close to him “Now’s the time to go out on a limb It’s Lesson One for beginners You had the guts to call my show So stop waiting for Cupid’s bow Just ask her out to dinner It’s time to be a winner” I thought about what John had said The deejay’s words spun around in my head He said “All heroes take a stand for that great reward” And so the very next day I put all my papers away And placed a call to the work switchboard She says “Hello, can I help you please?” Feeling confident and standing taller I said “I'm a long time listener, First time caller” I've been a long time listener First time caller
5.
Mailroom Guy 02:46
He passes by my office and says, “I know how you feel. I lost my wife too. Maybe after work we should grab a meal With a drink or two.” But I’m a high-up exec So I make up some stupid lie What if they all saw me With the mailroom guy It’s hard just to making into work at 9 He’s there two hours before He knocks but I’m on a conference call So he leaves the mail at my door And he invites me for Thanksgiving With fixings and a pie Instead it’s Whole Foods then a movie Not the mailroom guy Out of pity, I once went with him To a basketball game But if you put a gun to my head I couldn’t tell you his name My biggest fear is that I'll die alone With no one by my side The funeral will be an empty room And not a tear will be cried But someone will miss me when I’m gone He’ll shuffle pass my office and sigh As the day begins at the break of dawn For the mailroom guy He’s just the mailroom guy
6.
I watch her pass each day On her way To who knows where It seems so evident She was heaven sent Without a care at all She smiles as she goes by the mall As I let out a sigh Wish that she’d be my... Everything girl We’re going to meet one day Then I’ll try to say The things I feel She is the girl I want So nonchalant And even keel and cool She smiles I fear I’ll play the fool As I shake and quiver Wish I could give her… Everything girl I think back to the day When she would play So hard to get Now that sweet girl is mine My life’s so fine I let her set my style As we walk down the wedding aisle Prepared to tie the knot At last I’ve got Everything girl
7.
Love Letter? 02:54
Don’t know if this is a love letter or a suicide note I could be sinking on the Titanic or sailing with my dream boat Love takes an early lead ‘Cause that’s what we all need But what if she is not the one And I’m left wondering what I’ve done Don’t know if this is a love letter or a suicide note I could be sinking on the Titanic or sailing with my dream boat Suicide then pulls ahead It might be easier if I’m dead Won’t have to figure out what life’s for And I won’t have to feel pain anymore Don’t know if this is a love letter or a suicide note I could be sinking on the Titanic or sailing with my dream boat They say love conquers fear So I should love while I’m here Death gets us all in the end But eternity will have to wait, My Friend Don’t know if this is a love letter or a suicide note I could be sinking on the Titanic or sailing with my dream boat
8.
Oh Jackie was so bright She could light the darkest night When she fell from her family tree And I was the man Who was Jackie’s biggest fan But my song was in a minor key How I loved that girl From the very start But she never loved me And so I wander round I’m the man who’s trying to cure his broken heart I tried my best to be Every guy that she might see But I guess I lost myself somehow And so Jackie fell in love With none of the above ‘Cos she couldn’t tell who I was now How I loved that girl From the very start But she never loved me And so I wander round I’m the man who’s trying to cure his broken heart Somewhere There's a girl for me Til I find her I’ll dream of Jackie And I’ll never break free Jackie met a guy With a twinkle in his eye But he had a second family tree And I'm waiting for What love might have in store For a brokenhearted man like me How I loved that girl From the very start But she never loved me And so I wander round I’m the man who’s trying to cure his broken heart

about

An eclectic blend of clever power pop (think Fountains of Wayne or They Might Be Giants), 60's-ish pop (think Harry Nilsson or The Monkees), and singer-songwriter songs (think John Prine).

credits

released April 9, 2021

Scott Bauman and David Benitez: All vocals + instruments except
Jane Greely on drums

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The Oven Mitts Los Angeles, California

An eclectic blend of clever power pop (think Fountains of Wayne or They Might Be Giants), 60's-ish pop (think Harry Nilsson or The Monkees), and singer-songwriter songs (think John Prine).

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